Short Humorous Stories, reminiscences from Army Life.

Tit for Tat.

I had just reported to a Signal Regiment couple of days ago, after being commissioned into the Indian Army. 1971 operations were just over and we were still in battle areas. Black out during the night was meticulously observed to ward off any air attacks. The regiment’s Technical officer had provided one light connection from the unit generator in each bunk of the officers which was duly covered and no naked light was to be put on during the night. I was the duty officer on one night and had been instructed to check that no light was visible anywhere in the camp. While on the duty round, I saw one light being switched on and off in one of the tents. It was about 12.30 at night. So I went to check that tent. As I entered the tent, I found our Quarter Master Capt Dogra ( a middle-aged specialist officer, risen through ranks) reading a book with a torch-light. In between his fingers would get tired of pressing the button of the torch and he would switch it off and thus creating flickering of light. The book that he was reading was a single X erotic Hindi  book ( called ‘Pondi’ in Indian Military lingo, written by erotic writer Mast Ram and the title was ” Lut ti Rahi Rat Bhar” ( I was savaged throughout the night)). I was amazed at his dedication of pursuing his hobby at such late night with a torch-light and putting the unit at grave risk. I politely apprised him that such flickering light was dangerous in operational area from aerial view and may invite air attacks. The man replied, “What  could I do, I have a covered light with shade but the Technical officer Capt Rama Krishna has cut off my electric connection, that B…….  So I am reading with the torch.” Getting curious I asked him as to why Capt Rama had cut off his connection? Dogra replied, “He asked me to loan this Pondi (X rated book) to him and I refused him.”

A Red-Hot Darling.

I was now attached to an infantry battalion operating along northern borders at High Altitude areas ranging from 15000 ft to 20000 ft and my signal company was providing them telecommunication support. We were at our Head Quarters located at 16000 ft height. It used to be extremely cold and outdoors we were all clad in heavy woollens. Inside our bunks and the Officer’s Mess there were Kerosene burning heaters called “Bukhari”. The kerosene burnt in these makes the metal covering of the heaters red-hot which would transmit heat inside the living place shielding us from the cold. One evening all officers were sitting in the Officer’s mess. Some officers were having their drinks while the others were chatting, waiting for the dinner call. Major RA a Company commander and Capt Limbu (a Gurkha ) were very close friends and were very fond of drinks specially Rum. These two were already down with five to six large pegs and very high. They started chatting and the conversation goes like that. ” Limbu…..” ” Yes RA”. ” Limbu, are we friends?” ” Yes Of course, RA.” RA then pointed out to Bukhari ( Kerosene burning heater ) and addressed Limbu. “Limbu….. What is that ?” ” RA, that is my Darling.” ” Limbu, can you embrace your darling.” ” RA, Yes..  yes… Why not . She is my hot darling.” ” Limbu, do it , do it, embrace your darling, hug her, kiss her .” Upon this Capt Limbu walked towards Bukhari (Kerosene burning heater, located in the middle of the room) yelling, ” Darling here I come to hug you, kiss you.” Before anyone can stop him, he was actually hugging and kissing the burning Bukhari ( red-hot metal). When pulled away by others, he had his chest and lips badly burnt. It goes without saying that he had to be evacuated to the hospital and was put out for a long time.



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